The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come
We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before police
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
"Ham and eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, age don't matter.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Evening news is where they start by saying “Good Evening” and proceed by telling you why it’s not.
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